Guilt
by HumanGuineapig
Summary: Endure Arc 2 : Deuteronomy should have known something was wrong, there were small signs, but he overlooked them, remained foolishly ignorant while his son endured in silence, but after the attack during the Jellicle Ball, Old Deuteronomy has been enlightened and that's just when that soul crushing guilt begins as he realizes how much his son is suffering in silence for the tribe.
Okay, this goes with my story Endure, probably best to read that one first.

I don't own anything boo-hoo…

Themes of dubious consent, black-mail-kinda stuff…

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Deuteronomy felt the heavy guilt settle into his frame.

He should have known something like this could have happened from the start, but he was so certain, or perhaps just thoughtless, that Munkustrap could handle the responsibility.

He hadn't known about the deal until Macavity had kidnapped him from the Jellicle Ball, dragging him away as he saw the frozen, scared and worried expressions on the frozen Jellicles.

Macavity had bragged it to him, gold eyes glinting coldly, as he leaned against the cupboard, watching as his hench-rats tied the old leader up.

" _This isn't going to work, Macavity!" Deuteronomy had told him, voice even but cold, as he stared at the ginger fiend. Macavity just laughed coldly._

" _Oh, this isn't about taking over your tribe, no, no, this is about teaching your precious son a lesson." Macavity responded, lips twisted into a cruel smirk. Deuteronomy blinked, shocked, as unease settled into his stomach as he looked at Macavity's triumphant expression._

" _M-Munkustrap?" He stuttered. "What do you want from my boy?!" Macavity gave a laugh as he idly dragged his long claws through his tangled head-fur._

" _Did you ever think that Munkustrap may be so overwhelmed at suddenly becoming the Protector, with barely any fighters left, that he may have been so desperate to do whatever he could to '_ _ **keep the tribe, his family, safe at any cost**_ _'?" Deuteronomy's blood ran cold as he heard that line, one that he repeated to Munkustrap many a time as he grew up. Deuteronomy stared at the Hidden Paw, brown eyes wide._

" _What did you do?" He breathed, shocked. Macavity gave a slight giggle._

" _I made your son a deal, of course."_

 _Deuteronomy shook his head vehemently. "No, Munkustrap would never make a deal with you!" Macavity smirked as he pushed off of the cupboard, walking over to him._

" _Oh, but he did," He cooed. "He was so desperate to make his daddy proud that he'd make a deal with devil himself."_

" _What…what is the deal?" Deuteronomy swallowed. Macavity chuckled, eyes flashing darkly. He was so looking forward to destroying Deuteronomy with this guilt._

" _Did you truly think that Munkustrap just got a human family so suddenly?" Macavity asked, head tilted. "Oh no, that collar around his neck is to show that he is_ _ **mine!**_ _"_

" _No!" Deuteronomy cried out, heart breaking for his son. Macavity laughed._

" _Oh yes, your son comes to me whenever I call and warms my bed, lets me rut him 'til we have no energy left, and I must say, Deuteronomy, your son does have quite a talented tongue, and those sweet little moans he makes, just delicious." Deuteronomy shut his eyes tight, turning his head away._

 _His poor son._

 _His baby._

 _What had he driven him to?_

" _Why tell me?" Deuteronomy asked hoarsely. "Why?"_

" _Because your son and I had a deal," Macavity explained, turning his back to the leader as he walked away. "One forged in this clearing actually, that he comes to me when I call for him and the Jellicles remain safe from me, and from other tribes." Deuteronomy remained quiet, shocked._

 _Macavity suddenly whipped around, gold eyes blazing, his long head fur whipping around his face in a maddened haze. "But he broke the deal!" He yelled. "I summoned him and he never showed, so I came to investigate, and where do I find him?" Macavity hissed. "By your side! You had gotten sick, you old fool, and my pet stayed by your side when he should have been in my bed!"_

 _Deuteronomy felt his stomach turn._

 _This sick, twisted being was using his son for his own sick pleasure…and Deuteronomy hadn't even noticed._

 _He had to do something, to appease the angry Tom, to make sure he didn't hurt Munkustrap when he had already endured so much._

" _Macavity, this isn't his fault." Deuteronomy managed to whisper. "It's all mine, do not take your anger out on him because I fell ill, he was worried about me, so much so that he forgot to eat…" Deuteronomy saw Macavity begin to calm, his eyes losing some of the anger._

" _Tell me, Macavity, what can I do to get you to change the deal? To let Munkustrap out of it?" Deuteronomy begged him. Macavity just smirked, his head turning towards the clearing briefly as he heard singing, before looking back to Deuteronomy._

" _Nothing." Macavity sneered, gloating. "Your son is mine."_

 _Then, Deuteronomy found himself back in the clearing, finding his relieved tribe looking at him, a certain Tuxedo Tom staring at him, wide-eyed in amazement._

Deuteronomy placed his head in his paws.

He was so foolish.

He should have read the signs.

He should have known something was wrong when Munkustrap flinched and barely kept from jerking back as Alonzo grabbed his shoulder.

Should have known when he swung around, eyes wide, when Tugger suddenly grabbed him from behind.

Should have known after he disappeared into his den after those _visits._

Should have known something was wrong when he detected the salty tang of tears in Munkustrap's den, sometimes clinging to his fur.

Deuteronomy lowered his head, ashamed that he allowed his son to suffer while he remained ignorant.

He should have known that Munkustrap would do whatever he could to keep the tribe safe, just like Deuteronomy had told him to do, but he never in his darkest dreams foresaw Munkustrap making a deal with Macavity, a deal to warm his bed no less.

Munkustrap was so eager to please and never wanted to disappoint anyone, so he made a deal with the evil fiend.

Deuteronomy gave a small moan, guilt twisting his stomach.

How did he not protect his son?

How did he not check in on him and make sure he was coping?

Why did he make him Protector so young when Skimble could have taken over the role until Munkustrap was truly ready?

So many questions bombarded Deuteronomy and he had no answers.

When Munkustrap had first been born, Deuteronomy had been filled with so much pride, joy and love as he held the mewling silver bundle of fur in his arms. He had promised to protect his boy, his first-born, and that he would always be there for him.

Deuteronomy had even had the tribe mystics, Coricopat and Tantomile's parents, put protection spells on him so that no magical cat could ever put a negative curse or spell on him, so no one could control him through magic, that Munkustrap would know when someone was attempting to magically sway him. He had done the same when Tugger was born.

So Deuteronomy knew that Macavity hadn't put Munkustrap under any kind of spell, that it was all Munkustrap's choice…and it made Deuteronomy wish that he had asked Ori and Lillian to put more protection spells on him, to make sure he never put himself in a position like had now.

But he knew he would have never asked that, that he thought Munkustrap would come to him for anything.

He never thought that he'd push Munkustrap so much, or that Munkustrap thought his expectations were so high that he believed he couldn't go to his dad for help.

Deuteronomy felt the guilt start to weigh heavily, feeling that his body was suddenly so burdened…and he knew it wouldn't disappear until his son was okay and when he knew everything was fixed between them.

He wearily lifted his head at the sound of a knock on his den door.

"Dad?"

Just the sound of his soft, gentle voice felt like a knife had been thrust into Deuteronomy's stomach and twisted roughly.

"I-In here, Munkus," He managed to say, keeping his voice even. Munkustrap appeared in his den and Deuteronomy couldn't help but sadly look him over.

He looked so happy and healthy, his beautiful silver black-striped fur was thick and shining, he was at a healthy weight, and groomed to perfection, there was a small, but concerned, smile on his lips and his beautiful emerald green eyes were staring at him, worried.

There were a few healing gashes, bite marks and bruises littering his frame, evidence of the fight he and Macavity had during the ball, which made Deuteronomy feel even sicker.

How must his son have felt having to fight that fiend off and having him so close to him?

After enduring all those mating sessions with the evil Macavity and then have him in such close proximity, in front of all the Jellicles, it was a surprise that Munkustrap didn't panic…or puke in disgust.

"I just came to see how you were, Dad," Munkustrap was saying as he came to sit across from him. "You've barely left your den or spoken to anyone since the Ball."

Deuteronomy's eyes landed on the black leather collar claiming Munkustrap's neck and felt his stomach twist again, his heart pounding.

All he saw was the beautiful, perfect silver bundle of fluffy fur reaching out to him as he mewled.

He had to tell him.

He had to offer his love and support.

He had to help his baby.

"I-I am okay, Munkustrap." Deuteronomy replied hoarsely. "I-I've just been trying to…deal with some things." Munkustrap tilted his head, brow furrowed with worry.

"Dad, what's wrong?" He questioned. Deuteronomy looked at his paws, clasping them in his lap as he took in a deep breath, preparing to tell his son that he knew of the deal.

"W-When Macavity kidnapped me, and after he fought with you, before Mistoffelees rescued me…well, he spoke to me." Deuteronomy carefully looked up, seeing Munkustrap's eyes had widened fractionally, paws grasping at the fur on his legs.

"O-Oh?"

Deuteronomy sighed, there was no easy way to skirt around this, he had to just say it. "He told me about your deal, Munkustrap." Deuteronomy reached out comfortingly as Munkustrap suddenly gave a sharp intake of breath, scrambling backwards and shaking his head.

"No, no, no no no!" Munkustrap whimpered, placing his head in his paws, pulling at his head fur. "You were never meant to find out!"

Guilt.

So much guilt.

Deuteronomy blinked back tears, his heart breaking, as he moved over to sit in front of Munkustrap, gently detaching his paws from his head-fur. Munkustrap was sobbing, breaking down in front of him.

He gently pulled Munkustrap into his arms, cradling him close.

Munkustrap had endured this horrible secret and burden so long and now with the one Tom he didn't want to find out, finding out, he just couldn't hold it in any longer.

"It's alright, my boy, it's alright," Deuteronomy soothed, gently stroking Munkustrap's head fur as Munkustrap clutched him close.

"I didn't know what else to do!" Munkustrap sobbed, making Deuteronomy feel like his heart was shattering even more. "We just don't have the fighters anymore and I could barely keep up with the strays and the Pollicles and the other tribes and everything!" Deuteronomy winced, hugging his son closer.

"I'm so sorry, Munkus, it's all my fault, I thought you would be fine." His attempt at trying to take some of blame just caused Munkustrap to sob harder.

"I can't do anything right! You gave me this responsibility and I stuffed up!" He wailed, muffled by Deuteronomy's fur. Deuteronomy gently lifted Munkustrap's head so he was staring into his son's eyes.

"None of this is your fault." He told him firmly. "I didn't even think about the reduced number of fighters or how much you'd be doing by yourself, I pushed you into this when you were far too young…and now you've been living a lie for over a year, just trying to keep everyone safe," Deuteronomy nuzzled his cheek, wanting nothing more than to pull his son into his arms, just like when he was a kitten, and protect him, never letting anyone or anything hurt him again.

Deuteronomy pulled away again, looking back into Munkustrap's emerald green eyes.

His brown eyes widened when he saw a tinge of gold on the outer of Munkustrap's green irises, barely noticeable, but it was there.

 _No, it couldn't be!_

Macavity couldn't have found a way around Munkustrap's magical protection! He just couldn't have!

Deuteronomy's heart raced in his chest.

He must be using a slow magic, only do it bit by bit, which would take a lot of patience, but there was some sort of magical influence starting to impose on his son.

What was it?!

What was its purpose?

What was it going to do to his first-born?!

"It's going to stop now, Munk, we can protect…"

Munkustrap cut him off, shaking his head firmly. "No, Dad, we can't!" Deuteronomy stared at his son hopelessly as Munkustrap shifted out of his arms, sitting across from him once more, knees still touching, as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his paw.

"Can you imagine trying to get Pouncival to fight Macavity's hench-cats? Or Tumblebrutus?" questioned Munkustrap. "Or getting little Jemima to defend herself against merciless street-cats? Or Electra, Etcetera or Victoria for that matter?" Munkustrap shook his head.

"They're too young and won't be able to handle it…hell, even most of our fighting cats couldn't handle it and they were fighters! Two-thirds of them ended up being killed, the Protector being one of them!" Deuteronomy lowered his head, stomach twisting, heart beating painfully in his chest.

He knew his son was right.

"But will Macavity still honour your deal?" He couldn't help but question, voice hoarse. "After you didn't go last time and after the ball?" He looked up at Munkustrap, finding that he had turned his head, eyes closed.

"He's already contacted me." He mumbled softly. "He's not going to give me up and break the deal," Munkustrap gave a bitter laugh, "He _forgave_ me for standing him up, but said it was my only time…next time, if I don't contact him and give him a good reason, he attacks and claims me in front of the tribe." Deuteronomy couldn't help but clench his paws at that. He reached out and gently took his son's paw.

"I-If you are going to endure this, then I will be by your side," Deuteronomy told him. "Don't push me away, Munk, don't be ashamed. I am your father and I just want my darling boy to stay with me, I don't want Macavity to destroy the sweet soul that you are." Munkustrap gave a sad smile.

"Though I hate lying to everyone, though I do loathe myself at times, I will never let him destroy who I am, Dad, I promise." Deuteronomy pulled his son close, just wanting to hold him forever more.

"Dad, please don't let anyone else find out." Munkustrap pleaded softly against his shoulder. "I-I don't want them to know…"

Deuteronomy gave a small nod, rubbing Munkustrap's back. "If that is what you want, then it will remain between us…but I want you to come to me whenever you feel overwhelmed, Munk," Munkustrap nodded, nuzzling against his father.

"I will." Munkustrap gently pulled away. "I-I should get back to the others, make sure the kittens haven't locked Alonzo in a toy-box again." Deuteronomy chuckled at that. Munkustrap got to his feet, going to leave, when a thought occurred to Deuteronomy.

"Munkus, go to the twins and get them to place some protective spells on you, making sure no one can influence your mind." He called. Munkustrap turned, frowning, hesitating slightly at the thought of letting the twins near his mind, fearing they'd discover his horrible secret, but at the sight of his father's worried face, he nodded.

Deuteronomy sighed as his son left the den.

As long as his son was willing to endure Macavity's torment to protect the tribe, then Deuteronomy would carry his crushing burden of guilt for driving his son towards this.

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I was going to leave it at Munkustrap's view-point, but decided to expand a bit.

Macavity's side of things will be next :)

Hoping this will give me some sort of muse to update Once a Slave…

Please read and review?

HGP


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